🔗 Share this article

This period represents a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the terms this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {